I don't like Senator Hillary Clinton (D-NY). I never have. Something about her always rubbed me the wrong way.

Maybe it was the way she was all kissy-huggy with my personal nemesis, Tipper Gore (which we later learned was a big show for the cameras). Maybe it was the way folks at my Alma Mater, Ohio University, went gaga over her both times she came to town. Or maybe it was that damn hair. Who knows? Suffice it to say that my opinion of her, even during those few instances that I agreed with her, hovered somewhere between Dianne Feinstein and a litterpan in bad need of changing.

So - what a surprise - you can imagine my reaction to her latest trip into the limelight. Hillary just spoke at the Conference of Presidents of Major American Jewish Organizations, which took place in Jerusalem, and she really stuck it to Chairman Arafat. She blamed him for the last 17 months of hell the Palestinians and Israelis have been living through, saying that he has "failed as a leader."

Isn't that just the kettle calling the pot black?

First off, let's be clear on something: Arafat might not be the best person to arrange peace, but he wasn't completely to blame for what's happened. For that, you can thank Ariel Sharon and his ill-advised trip. Arafat could have done a lot better in keeping things under control since then, but if Sharon hadn't been such an ass that might not have been necessary.

And as for her picking on his leadership... gimmie a break. Part of being a leader is sticking to your guns and standing up for principles. Yes, positions may change when the facts do, but Hillary's struck me as someone who'll slip from one opinion to the other at the drop of a hat. Principles be damned, guns be sidelined - what's playing the best with the electorate, today?

Let's not forget that this is the same Hillary who, on her last visit to Jerusalem, stood nearby when Soha Arafat claimed that Israelis were using poison gas on Palestinian women and children. Then she gave Soha a big ol' hug and kiss. "Mmmm - you go girl," she seemed to have been intimating.

Of course, later she repudiated Mrs. Arafat's remarks when the heat got turned up under her fanny, but it sure looked like she was agreeing with it at the time. Whether it was true or not's a good question to ask, but it wasn't so much the way she just ignored it that bothered me. It was the way she insisted that she'd have spoken out right then and there but that would have caused an international incident. Goddess forbid she stand up for some truth!

Of course, this time she got to speak after a real winner, too. Her speech followed that of Tourism Minister Benny Elon: a man who favors deporting all Palestinians, and makes no bones about it whatsoever. She's already getting some heat over that one, too - how much you want to bet she'll pull the same ploy?

But then again, maybe she won't. You see, if you're curious how you can go from being pro-Palestinian to pro-Israeli with only a change of title, I've got two words for you: money and votes.

Yeah, it'll be a few years before Hillary has to run again, but she's going to have to build up her war chest and fan base for another election. You can't just come out of nowhere after four to five years and expect people to still love you, or want to fork over the dough for your race. It's got to be a constant effort to win hearts, minds and wallets, and I can tell you this much: she's not going to appeal unless she's pro-Israel enough for some, and anti-terrorist enough for all. Especially after September 11th.

Let's face it: you don't have to be a noxious, right-wing twit to recognize Hillary Clinton for the opportunist scum that she is. I think she's a betrayal of progressive politics, rather than the demented paragon of them that some in the right like to paint her as. I'll even go one step further: I'd venture that if she thought she could make it better as a right-winger she'd jump ship, swim to the GOP and do that sisters-in-arms thing with Phyllis Schlafly.

And I'll go just that much further, and let it be known that, as much of a loser as Chairman Arafat's been lately, I'd still pick him over her, any day. If Hillary was in Arafat's shoes she'd have run for the border the moment the Israelis started using her office for target practice, if not sooner. She'd have sold her own people down the river for whatever would have enriched her the most, and then handed the whole mess off to some poor sucker who didn't know what the moving, red dot on the wall meant.

Arafat might be a "failed" leader, but at least he's still there, hopefully trying to get back on the horse. Hillary's only real leadership skill is leading prospective donors towards her war chest, and voters towards the polls.

We Hope - That you choke - That you choke

Exit Music [For A Film]. - Radiohead